Eric Cantor's Bitch Face

“I said eggshell. This is fucking ecru.”

“Oh. Mygod. It smells like minorities in here.”

“I’m serious. He tried to wear running shoes on the tennis court.”

“A joint session of Congress on Bunco Night? Well we’ll just see about that.”

“Fuck this hurricane shit. I’m going to Aspen.”

“Women’s Equality Day? Bitch please.”

“They’re not dolls. They’re collectible figurines.“ 

“I really identify with Don Draper.”

“Of course I look younger than him. I moisturize.” 

“If you think I’m setting foot in a Safeway, you’re out of your fucking mind.”

“Oh honey, you don’t have to offer him a drink. He’s the gardener.” 

“It’s not OLD. It’s fucking vintage.”

“I make my own limoncello.” 

“Eric Cantor’s Bitch Face is now on Twitter. This is what I call a ‘game changer’.”

“I can’t believe that fuckbag Paul Ryan got invited to give a TED Talk before I did.”