"Oh honey, the resort collection is always a letdown.”
"And that’s when we realized we were wearing the exact same cuff links.”
“Camping? What is this, Mogadishu?”
"Actually, I spent an entire semester at sea once.”
"If I wanted to make the reservation myself, Darlene, then I wouldn’t have a fucking assistant.”
“One more tear and I swear to fucking Reagan Jesus…”
"I can’t believe I skipped Zumba for this bullshit."
"Get the fucking shot already. And there had better be hot cocoa in the Town Car.”
"I know. It’s cashmere.”
"It’s like he didn’t even know French.”
"Well just tell them to wait then. It’s called a private jet for a fucking reason.”
"The Gap? Isn’t that like a thrift store or something?"
“Yeah, Pepperdine is the Harvard of the west like Rikers is the St. Albans of the north.”
"It’s MAHL-deevs. Jesus. At least act like you’ve left Altoona before.”
"There is sand in my loafer.”
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