"Cheese head sack of shit.”
"I am going to need some eye cream and a scented candle, STAT.”
Barbecues are disgusting
Pets are disgusting.
"Let’s put our New Year’s resolutions on Pinterest."
Sometimes you can just see bad breeding.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
"Well this really fucks up my weekend in Montauk.”
"Well that is some bidet”
“What is a rust belt?”
"I don’t care if it’s kosher. It’s fucking Godiva.”
"Oh honey, the resort collection is always a letdown.”
"And that’s when we realized we were wearing the exact same cuff links.”
“Camping? What is this, Mogadishu?”
"Actually, I spent an entire semester at sea once.”
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